Blogging is an outlet. I have found that it is much easier for me to use this platform to discuss topics that are difficult to talk about or even considered taboo because I feel safety behind my computer screen. False security, but security none the less. I feel less likely to be judged in this format of expression. Whether or not that is true doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am able to utilize it to express my thoughts which helps me and may help others along the way. I have had some heavy topics on my mind lately, including fertility, pregnancy, and motherhood. Fertility and pregnancy will have to wait for another day, because today I want to focus on the not so great side of motherhood that no one likes to talk about.
I know I will probably receive a lot of comments that I have not been a mom (or mother figure if you want to be technical) long enough for it to take a toll on me. Maybe I haven’t been in this position long enough have the right to talk about it, but I believe that I have. I have not been a mom for years and have not (yet) been the mother of multiple children, but I can tell you that in the short year which I have filled this role, I have learned a lot about kids, my husband, and especially about myself.
Please do not take this as my complaining about the life which I have been blessed with, because I will be the first person to tell you that the life I have today is the life I have always pictured for myself. I have a happy marriage and a great kid and will soon be adding another to the mix. This is the life I have wanted for a very long time. I am grateful for the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning and I can even be grateful for the arguing because all of those things mean that I have a family to take care of and to love. However, that doesn’t mean that I, and other moms alike, cannot feel overwhelmed and tired amongst all of these responsibilities.
My husband and I had a long talk this morning about several difficult to discuss topics. One of them was becoming a mom and feeling an overwhelming sense of social isolation. I do not work often anymore, I don’t take the time to go out with friends, and I don’t generally have a lot of people over at home. This means that I have very limited adult interaction. When I lived alone, I either had people at my apartment or was gone out having fun. Now I live in a house full of people and have never felt more alone. I guess you could say I have “mom guilt” about this. Society says that when you are handed the role of a mother, you must become an unwavering force of nature who can do it all and never complains, because that’s what we are “supposed” to do. That’s bullshit. Even as mothers, we are still people with our own unique identities. We are vulnerable sometimes and let’s be honest, life is hard. Why does no one ever talk about this? We put on this facade to social media that we are always strong and capable, but what about the times that you just don’t feel like you can take on the world? This job of motherhood is HARD and it is constant. The laundry and the dishes never stop piling up. The kids argue and complain about putting away their clothes and eating dinner. You go to bed exhausted from the day only to wake up and do it all again in the morning. And you are thankful because you love your family but sometimes you just long for something else.
I do not wish for one second that I was still the single girl living in the cool apartment downtown. It was fun being that person, but I knew there was so much more out there for me. What I didn’t know was that I would feel like I didn’t have friends anymore once I was no longer that person. So many people want to go out and do things without their children, and we all need that break sometimes. But why is it that no one seems to want to take their children to do fun things with other kids and their parents? I would love nothing more than to have “mom friends” who I could call and set up play dates with so the kids are having a good time and the moms get to have an adult to talk to. I’m not sure why no one does this, or talks about this isolation that I know we all have to feel at times. I can’t be the only one who feels the walls closing in around them when they are sitting at home on rainy days staring at all the things that need to be accomplished. I can’t be the only one who takes five minutes to sit in the bathroom floor and cry because they don’t feel like they are doing enough, but don’t want their family to see them upset. I can’t be the only one who needs an adult to talk to besides their husband, or when their husband isn’t at home. And I can’t be the only one who is afraid to have this conversation for fear of being judged by other moms who still want to pretend they have it all together.
I am usually the one who is willing to discuss difficult topics. So I’m using this post to open the lines of communication. If you want to tell me that I am stupid or inexperienced, keep your opinions to yourself. It’s none of my business what you think of me anyway. But if you need to vent to someone, I’m a good listener. And if you need a friend for playdates or help folding your laundry, well sis, so do I. Let’s be friends.